Scars

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been looking at t-shirts for a team of friends and family who will be walking (in honor of me) in the American Heart Association Heart Walk, on October 29.  While looking, I discovered some very interesting websites, and one of my favorites is rockscarlove.com.  The site has some really cute t-shirts related to scars and transplants, and as I began reading some of the post on this site, it got me to thinking about my own scars; The Heart related ones.

My very first scar is right in the crease of my leg, most would call this the groin area, but I hate that phrase, so I refer to it as the crease where the leg bends.  I had my first heart catheterization procedure done in January of 2011, which left a small circular scar, and can easily be hid by a bathing suit in the summer.  My second scar is on my neck.... now, the procedure for this scar hurts like a.... well you get the idea, and it is by far the worst, AND it is my least favorite.  It's called a Swan right heart cath, and to put it mildly, IT SUCKS and did I mention it HURTS!!  I've had 3 of those darn Swans, so that accounts for scars two, three and four.  It looks like a Vampire has had hold of my neck, but I promise I'm a were wolf kinda girl.  My fifth scar is from a defibrillator implant that is located just below my left collarbone.  It's only about 3 1/2 inches long, however the device sticks out, and looks like a miniature  alien spaceship landed beneath my skin.   I won't EVEN tell you what my friends called this scar as it was healing.  My sixth, seventh, and eighth scars are in my right arm from a pic line of Milrinone.  These also look like a Vampire has had hold of me, so I guess I'm a Vampire girl after all.   My ninth and most significant scar runs slightly to the right of my sternum and is about 10 inches in length.  This scar is due to surgery to implant the devise that keeps me alive, my LVAD.   (thank you modern technology)  And lastly, just below that zipper scar, is four 1/2 inch scars where all the drain tubes were after my surgery. (I still don't have feeling in that area yet).
As I look in the mirror each day, I am reminded of what those scars represent.  They represent a Fighter, a Mom, a Wife, a Friend, and a Daughter that refused to give up hope and let a sickness rob me of my young life.  Some of us like to show our scars and share the stories that go along with them.  Others want to hide them and never be reminded or relive those scarred moments again.  I am personally proud of my scars, where they have led me, and I wear them with honor and pride.

This is the T-shirt we will be wearing for the walk, and I have also added one of my favorites websites,
RockScarLove.com.

Rock Scar Love

Amazing Grace

When I discovered I had heart failure in early January of this year, I was absolutely stunned.  I could NOT believe something like this could happen to someone like me.  I have participated in a marathon, done countless 10K and 5K races, and I've been athletic ALL MY LIFE!  How was this possible?

During this journey, I have learned several things.  One is, I am absolutely surrounded by so many people who are forgiving and who love me unconditionally.

I have had an abundant outpour of friends and family that have given their money, time, thoughts and prayers, and an amount of support that has been breathtaking.  Simply saying Thank You doesn't seem to be enough,  for all I've received.  However, please know that when I do say Thank You, I truly mean it from every ounce of my body.  

I have also always believed that everything in life happens for a reason.  And, after I got over the initial shock of what was happening to me, I began to believe that all of this was given to me, for me to share, with everyone I meet, God's Amazing Grace.  You see my friends, I was in such a dark place last year, and I had fallen so far away from Christ; lost connection with our amazing Lord, and his Amazing Grace.  What I have realized, even in MY darkest hours, is that our God, my God, forgives me, loves me unconditionally, and only gives me what I can endure, with his guidance and grace.  I often sang a song at our church "Grace Flows Down", and today this song has a very different meaning.  

Enjoy! (I don't know what the video is, but I just love the song)  

Grace Flows Down